my eyes!

My eye is actually much better- which is good. I don't think i could have stood to have it continue the way it was for the first couple of days. I may seem to have a high tolerance for pain of a more emotional nature- at least, i seldom, if certainly not never, notice it anymore- but when it comes to physical discomfort, i'm still a wuss.

I am somewaht melancholy today. I don't want to say depressed, because i don't think i am, but melancholy. Melancholy, i think, can be OK. Just a little sad. It is unrerasonable( and frustrating) to expect to be happy all the time. everybody at the house seems a bit down, which likely comes from a variety of circumstances, the realization that what we are trying to do here really is quite difficult, and does not happen automatically. Maybe that's it. Maybe its theweather- we'd be fools to think it wouldn't affect us. The last of the green is bleeding out of everything, the leaves have lost their fire and have subsided to dead yellow ashes on the ground, the trees are black, burned out skeletons, and the sky remains, for days at a time, opressive, grey, and cold. The land, or what remains of it squeezed in between dirty concrete, is beginnning to hunker down for the winter, and people seem to be doing the same thing. Bundling up, wrapping scarves around their faces, pulling hats down, hunching over to duck biting wind, hurrying from shelter to shelter....

Maybe its me, taking stock of where i am, as a person, who i am, who i wanted to be....have i progressed or regressed? is school progressing towards something, or a distraction, a world to immerse in , another, more socially acceptable, form of escape?