Grace and Gratefulness

My job, as I believe I have mentioned, does not exactly tax my mind, which is actually one of the things I like about it. I enjoy having time for reflection. Unfortunately, depending on where I am coming from, reflection can easily turn to brooding. Brooding is seldom a productive activity.
This kind of space, too, can very easily turn to a outlet for griping and whining. believe me, there are things I could gripe about. And though that comes pretty naturally to me, its not where i want to be right now. Gratefulness. Gratefulness...is a good thing. One of the first things that began to change for me was the sudden ability to look at my life and actually see things to be grateful for. Because, when you think about it....

This, all of this, even the really crappy stuff, is a gift. We are, none of us, OWED. Anything. I'm honestly not sure what i think about "original sin" and a "fallen world" and all that, but this much is clear to me: An all-powerful God has the right to do what He wants with what He makes. As a wanna-be writer, i get this. If I create characters, I can do what I want with them- kill them off, make them suffer - anything that I think makes the story work - and lets face it, there is a certain beauty in heart-rending tragedy. Whether we LIKE it or not doesn't enter into it -
We don't HAVE to exist. God didn't HAVE to make us- He doesn't HAVE to give us life, and He can take it back at any time. IF you don't buy into that view of things, a random, impersonal universe, governed by chance, cannot possibly be said to owe us any more. We are, none of us, OWED, not even existence. So, every day, every hour, that we continue to exist, that we continue to have life...every single minute...is a gift. Grace, pure and simple. He has the power to take it away, so every minute that He DOESN'T....is a gift.
We can make no demands of this universe. We are in no position to make demands of our creator. We are not owed even existence. It is a gift. If we exist, everything that comes beyond that....is a gift. If it falls into the category of what we can call "good "...so much the better. "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Anyway. that's a bit of rationalization. Gratefulness. Gratefulness....is far more useful than self-pity, or despair.
Things I am Grateful for....
I am grateful for my little slice of prairie. I remember seeing prison movies, where they are allowed out into a "yard" which is just four concrete walls and a patch of sky. They are so happy, they are moved to tears. I didn't understand. It is just a patch of sky. It barely counts as being outside. But i get it now...when that little patch of sky is all you have, it becomes a world. There is a pipeline running behind the yard at work, so there is a little strip of land they are not allowed to build ugly boxes on. It grows wild, mowed maybe once a summer. If I use my mental green-screen to edit out the shop on the other side, and The Leons across the road, it can be a endless prairie stretching to the horizon. Wild grasses, small shrubs, vast sky, wind-swept clouds. Populated by rabbits. Right now it is covered in snow. I have seen the seasons come and go here. I remember spring...the glaciers receded, leaving tiny rivers to carve the land into valleys, leaving barren tundra and boulders...awaiting their coating of green. Now the glaciers have returned, and i come out every morning to icefields. The land is hidden beneath plains, mountains, jagged ridges of snow. That world had gone to sleep....for centuries. For now, it is a world of one color, white and windswept. But it will, someday, be warm and green and alive again.
The rabbit who lives in the yard, now huge and white, like the snowdrifts on the pipes, still runs, terrified, from my massive, noisy, smoke-belching forklift. Today I came out to find his tracks leading up to one gigantic wheel, and a small patch of yellow snow. He came out to piss on the monster, while it slept.
I have to admit, I like his style.