And if last night was abject terror, staring face to sneering face with the naked ugliness of my soul, and the knowledge that i may never again be able to take comfort in the certainties that have always comforted me in those times, because my trust in those certainties has been eaten away, today is anger. Anger at myself for squandering ,wasting and ruining, anger at God for dangling what seem to be good "gifts" in front of me, and retreating to watch, mute, as i squander, waste and ruin, all the time trying to do what i think he wants. Anger at someone else who i never wanted to be angry at...
Anger to hear that a good friend has been arrested, interrogated and threatened with injury merely for trying to live accoding to her beliefs, and that i have caved in without nearly so much opposition on most of mine.
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1 comment:
c'mon, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post something else. I feel more and more guilty every time I read this.
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