the sweet smell of impending DOOM...

At this point school is finally begining to come upon me in all its fury. I am facing the harshness of how much i WILL NEED to rachet up my work ethic...i'm not scared...just the "oh, shit, here it comes" before the storm. LIke a man setting out to climb a mountain, standing at the first sheer cliff face, looking up and taking a deep, sobering breath, steeling himself to the realization of what he has taken on. It's like resignation, only a little more positive.
Its been a long time since i've experienced this- i don't have a choice, i MUST work. I do not have the option of stalling, of waiting, nor, really, of turning tail and running. The things i hope to gain from this will not drop in my lap, and for once, i know exactly what needs to be done. And while the effort required is intimidating, having a clearly defined task feels really, really good. ( my life is otherwise lacking in clear definitions...)

I'm becoming comfortable with more and more ambiguity- particularily in matters of faith. On one level, it seems a little absurd for us wee little people to speak with great certainty and detail about the ways, dealings , and order of God - and, strangely, at the same time, my experience of Him, His reality to me, is convincing enough that i have no problem allowing him to be as mysterious as he wants to be. One does not need to SEE to know, to sense, to feel, to experience... (: one certainly does not need to see or understand the whole.